My Vote My Choice

Election 2014; voting day is right around the corner and I’m definitely voting…..but whom?

Let me come straight to the point. I’m not going to defend or accuse a party, person or action. I’m going to analyze; and that may involve an evaluation of a party, person or action but again, only to analyze and not characterize.

So whom am I going to vote? Let’s see…what my choices are?

Janata Dal, BJP, BSP, Congress, AAP, TMC, some other parties that I have not even heard of….kind of never ever, and 16 independents. Phew…that sure is competitive. I mean for latter two options in the list. The first ones won’t even break a sweat on ‘bachcha” parties.

First things first, never-heard-of-parties and independents. Well tried but you are out of my potential-beneficiary-of-my-vote list. Hasta la vista…baby.

You…yes, you – who is reading and smirking…and thinking – What if there is a good candidate among the bachcha parties. Hold your horses. Now that I’ve your attention, read further and thou shall know it.

(Use http://www.google.co.in/elections to know about candidates/parties in your constituency.)

Janata Dal, BSP, TMC and others like you – sorry you too didn’t make it in my list of people/parties to evaluate.

Did I hear you ask “Why”?

Because you are not going to form a government at the center, that is why. I know you are just going to compromise…oops I mean support the big guns in favor of “considerations”, and I’m in no mood to waste my only leverage – my vote.

So finalists are Congress, BJP and AAP. OK OK, I know AAP is also not going to form government alone by any rational consideration. They are just there because they managed to stir up the hornet’s nest. Theirs is a back door entry…like Delhi.

On serious note, I think if not anything else…they have literally managed to bring political discussion on table (dinner table, office table, canteen table, [no]table…hell, actually it’s on every damn table). In a way it’s good. I believe in Dr. JP Narayan’s idea – solution to bad politics is not “no politics” but more politics, good politics. You may argue it happened as a result of Anna movement and not AAP. My plea to you is this - movement died but is survived by AAP. They have the inheritance and they are taking care of it too.

Coming back to subject at hand - who am I going to vote for?

I don’t personally know any candidate, so to give a fair chance to everyone; I went and checked their past performance, assets, criminal records etc…

(Use http://www.prsindia.org/ to check performance in parliament)

(Use http://myneta.info/ to check assets, criminal record, other details)

Guess what…its unfair comparison at a point. Because AAP candidate doesn’t have past performance details. He’s a newbie. He is Ex-Infosys CFO. But is being an ex-corporate honcho a qualification enough to be an MP. Not exactly. At times people say Kejriwal is good because he’s an IITian. My dear friends…if IIT/IIM were the breeding grounds for good politicians, political parties from around the world would be camping there for campus recruitment. Evidently they are not recruiting from there, hence I assume IIT/IIM qualifications don’t matter in politics. Case closed.

What about BJP and congress candidate records…well, they are more or less same.

Back to square one…who do I chose now?

Is looking at candidate enough to vote for him? Not according to me. Political affiliation and patronage is as critical as candidate himself. Political parties have “high command” culture i.e. high commands decide, you abide. If you don’t abide, you are either flung out, adjusted to a committee or panel to feel important or compensated.

Even if I agreed that candidate could bend the air, please mind that this is Lok Sabha election. My vote could decide country’s future. I need to look beyond my constituency, I need to look at the country. I will have my chance to think about local people and problems in state assembly elections. It’s time to show that I care. At least me with my belly full; need to care for things bigger than my streetlight, playground, sewage, garbage (what an irony), and whole nine yards. I care for foreign policy, defense, technology, industry, and plethora of national and international issues.

So who do I vote? heheheh…I promise I will it declare it now. No more fanfare, not another harangue.

Will I vote for congress? Will they change country, make things better?  They are saying yes, like we haven’t seen it yet. But let me see who’s going to do it from their party. Wait, they have not declared a name but don’t I already know the options. So if I vote congress, what do I get? Either they do another Laloo Prasad Yadav (put a proxy as head of government) or do women empowerment. Not that I am against a real and solid women empowerment, but for sweet love of god; how many times in single session can you do women empowerment.

Will I vote for AAP? With all due respect, first grow up. You have put up a good show and fight. You brought some serious competition. I give it to you. But you need to get a license before speeding on highway. You have good theories, but that’s the case with many others too. Back your theories with empirical evidence in constituencies you get, and for your own sake please don’t blow the next chance you get like you did in Delhi. I like democracy very much and in no hurry to replace it with ochlocracy. Do your homework, show some results and come back next time. The stakes are too high, can’t take chances boss.

Will I vote for BJP? Hmmmm…..ummmm. Undeclared wife (frankly it’s a non-issue for me), Yedurappa, 2002 riots, snoopgate, phalana-dhikna. There is a laundry list. But let me tell you BJP, you score high on my list. Not because of Modi, but because you have a better gallery of gentlemen and women than other parties. Better in articulation, experience and clarity of thought. Your only serious contender is NOTA.

Will I vote NOTA? Keep your fingers crossed buddy. You will know it.

Now that I have analyzed. I know who I am going to vote for. If you haven’t figured it out yet, please sit down for 15 minutes and think. I am not trying to change the world. I am just offering my vote to a 66 year old idea, and if something is moved by it, that's beautiful.

Disclaimer – for all who are wondering why the hell I wasted my time in thinking and writing so much while I could have had a chilled beer or a nice movie. Also for those who are still going to a poll booth to either play ‘Akkad bakkad bambe bor’ with EVM or get Vitamine-G/B. Next time you drive your pregnant wife/sister on a pot hole laden road while she braves the pain, tell her – you could do something to change the situation but you missed the chance.

Hope as we know it and Hopelessness that I didn't know

It was Saturday afternoon. Diwali is just two months away and I was planning to book train tickets for my travel to home town. Planning is actually a wrong word here. I'd been stalling the actual booking for a couple of days now, which is the quirk that I've when the matter involves urgent decision making. But knowing the way train tickets are reserved for Diwali season, I got down to book the ticket. After trying a couple of date and train combinations, I finalized a train which had wait list within 50. I called my home town number to take my mother's opinion on it. Phone was answered by my father. As he is non-indulgent with these trivial matters, he asked me to check with my mother. He also informed me that she had gone to Indore (MP) to enquire about my cousin brother's health. During the conversation with my father, there was another call on my cell phone. After putting down the first call, I checked and found it was from my brother-in-law. I called back.

The news bushwhacked me. My father-in-law had suffered a cardiac arrest in morning and was hospitalized in Indore. He said "if possible please send Didi". After calming my senses I felt a HOPE that my father-in-law was not in a bad condition. I had reasons to believe so; first - both my brother-in-law and father-in-law are doctors and they would have taken right steps, second - my brother-in-law used word "possible" which didn't sound very urgent, and third - the tone was normal. As my mother was already in Indore, I called her to inform her. She told me that she had received the news and was on her way to hospital.

I started looking for ways to go to Indore. The next direct train was four days later, and flight charges recently being raised by more than 25% made me look for bus options. I booked the evening bus tickets. Meanwhile my wife also spoke to my brother-in-law and was OK with this plan as she too didn't sense any urgency. Two hours later my mother called and asked me to come by next available flight. I was alarmed, but still HOPED that everything will turn alright - without a reason this time.

I reached Indore by next flight. My father-in-law was in ICU; unconscious. I was told that he had suffered a cardiac arrest which resulted in an Edema in his brain due to overshooting of blood pressure (I might have missed the exact reason). Edema had blocked his sensory division which is why he was partially paralysed. His right limbs were paralysed. His left limbs were tied to the bed because he was throwing them unconsciously and pulling apart all the tubes which were poked in his veins.

The doctors told me that we can HOPE for a recovery if the swelling subsidized. They wanted to wait for 72 hours for swelling to come normal. We all HOPED that everything is going to be just fine in the end. Again there was a reason to HOPE - there were total four doctors supervising his condition including a well-known neurologist giving their best treatment as they were his friends and colleagues. One of his other colleague advised us to shift him to Vedanta Medicity in New Delhi. We enquired and found that it was riskier to shift him in current condition; so we decided to put up there itself. For the next three days doctors told us that his condition was improving with a slight variation in the edema and we could HOPE for a recovery. After 72 hours, they informed us that the swelling had not abridged and they have to conduct a brain surgery. As per them it was a standard procedure and nothing to fear about.

72 hours passed. Doctors conducted the surgery and came a good news "Operation was successful"; the collective HOPES reached their zenith. Everything is going to be alright. A major tragedy has been averted. We can go back to our normal lives. So much and so many. A sigh of relief.

Emily Dickinson once said “Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words And never stops at all.” How true. 

But extraordinary circumstances do come in ordinary lives, simply put; when it rains, it pours. Two hours post operations, doctors informed us that his condition was worsening and they are going to put him on ventilator. He spent his night on ventilator, in comma. Next morning doctors told us, my father-in-law is brain-dead. Better pull the plug. NO HOPES.

I doubt if I had ever seen such a composure in face of infinite HOPELESSNESS which I saw in my brother-in-law. Probably the medical training had prepared him to accept the dark realities in grace.

Someone from somewhere found a Mumbai based neurosurgeon’s contact number. We called him. He said, if my father-in-law could survive a week on ventilator, there is a chance something can be done. REFURBISHED HOPES. We sent him MRI photos on email.

Then came the night. One night that I cannot forget. At 8:30 PM, night shift ICU doctor told me, my father-in-law’s blood pressure is dropping. He will be dead in two hours. I still don’t know how I sounded when I told this to my brother-in-law. There was nothing doctors could do. It was the end. We stood by my father-in-law’s bed side, watching him sink bit by bit. A hole expanding in our hearts, filling it with HOPELESSNESS. What worse could there be than watching your loved ones dying in front of your eyes and not be able to do anything. What HOPE could we have now? Is HOPE real, can HOPE do anything or is it just a worthless human emotion. 

Or is it what Friedrich Nietzsche said.

“Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.”

My father-in-law left us with his mortal remains. There was neither HOPE nor HOPELESSNESS. There was just a wall. For some, to stop there and live with it and for others to jump and leave it behind.

What is GOD? Why I'm obsessed with this question?

WHAT IS GOD?

Probably............NO, not probably but certainly; one of the most difficult question mankind has ever encountered for centuries; till yet and would still want to answer for time to come. Over the time a lot of people have tried to answer it in their own ways. I'm sure that different ways of thinking can answer it differently. there would be thousands of answers theologically, philosophically, scientifically, rationally, experientially and from perspective of faith and belief. In fact there could be different answers on existence of God from people following the same God. For me there are two kinds of Gods. Personal God and collective God. It flows the same way as personal good and common good. 

First I want to answer what is collective God or the God that we believe in as as society. No matter what religion it is, the idea of collective God organizes us as a society. This God is so powerful that it unites infinite number of people for generations and still remain so farther away....... to be just believed in. I definitely want to know what is this God.

But why do I even bother talking about God? If I don't believe in God then what is point in thinking about it. 

Well I need to talk about it; because God, wherever he is and in whatever form, is controlling my life. As a child I was asked to bow before its image. A little older and I was still bowing before him and calling him in times of crisis. In fact for a long time I kept asking him for wisdom, knowledge and power. By the time I started forming opinions about all things under the Sun; I felt sceptical and even confused about God's existence. The long sown and cultivated beliefs were so strong that even if I wanted to refute its existence, somewhere within me I could not muster enough courage to do so. God has become such an integral part of my own existence that even if I want to stay away from thinking about it, it just barges right in my thoughts without my cognizance. Be it family or society - which define me are all surrounded by the world of God. When my son asks me how a child comes in this world or who put Earth and Sun in the space, I inadvertently tell him its God, to avoid elaborating complex biology at this tender age or to satisfy his curiosity because I don't know the answer myself. Probably I'm preparing another "Me" in my son who would struggle with the same question "What is God?". As a rational, I do not want my son to stand exactly there where I'm today. I want him to have an answer, if not then at least be able to answer it more confidently. Why just him, I don't want anybody to fumble with this question. After-all as creature of nature; we must evolve. We must have our answers. 

When first humans decided there is a God, they chose to believe in its existence. As their successor its my full right and imperative too to take the idea further. Civilizations have formed, progressed and destroyed on this idea. Most of all - I WANT to know what is this God.

The reasons iterated so far, are the reasons I will give to anyone who would ask me why I am so possessed by this question. Personally I know I can not give any reasons to myself. The only reason I want to answer this question is because it just doesn't leave my mind. Perhaps answering it might take it away from me.